Sunday, May 25, 2014

Promises


I survived infertility.

Lately I have had a few moments of reflection about the Lord's promises. Maybe it has been because of articles I have read about miscarriage, maybe it's because of a video I saw of a girl that recorded her abortion experience, maybe it's because my nephew had a birthday recently (and if I had carried my first pregnancy full-term, my child would be the same age as him) but either way I am reminded of this simple truth, that the Lord keeps His promises. 

About 3 years into being childless, I sought a priesthood blessing. I was really struggling with my grief and sadness and I needed peace and comfort. In the blessing, I was told that at the right time I would conceive and bear a child. What a comfort that was to me! What a joy it was to know that I would have the opportunity to be pregnant and have a baby. I was so happy to know that and I couldn't wait for that day to come.

Sometime after that blessing, I remember starting to read the bible. I was so struck by the story of Rachel in Genesis. In chapter 30 verse 1 is says, "And when Rachel saw that she bare Jacob no children, Rachel envied her sister;..." I felt such a kinship with Rachel. I envied my sisters. All of my sisters and my sister in law got pregnant and had babies before me. Later on in the chapter is says, "And God remembered Rachel, and God hearkened to her, and opened her womb."
I wondered when God would remember me and open my womb. After this experience reading about Rachel, Elder Condie gave a great talk in General Conference . It was like he was talking to me and it renewed my faith in that blessing!

Fast forward 3 YEARS!! I clung to the promise in that blessing like a drowning person clings to a life preserver. There were times that I doubted, I cried, I felt angry and hurt, and I wondered if that promise of having children was ever going to be fulfilled. But, I tried to continue to trust in that blessing. 3 years I waited and wondered when it would happen. 

Lo and behold, it did. 

The Lord kept His promise to me. He remembered me.

I am here to tell you that it can be hard. The Lord may not always have the same time table as we do, but He WILL keep His promises. I know it. 




ps. To anyone struggling with infertility, I hope that you don't feel hurt by anything I said. I have been there and it is horrible. I now have children and I feel so sad for those that have struggled or are still struggling to have children of their own. I pray that the desires of your heart are fulfilled.

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